entice the naivety in youth
by we'll be counting stars
Summary: You're sixteen and your mother tells you it will pay well. You know tutoring will look good on your college applications, but you also know that Sydney Phillips is delusional. - genderbent!Sid/Andy, mild adult themes/language


You're neighbors and, because you're young and foolish, you try to become her friend.

You bring Woody along to Syd's front door step and ring the bell. When she opens it, she looks grumpy and her hair's unkempt and she's hugging a bag of potato chips. "Want to come over to my house?" you ask, smiling despite your nervousness. Syd stares at you for a bit, making you all the more uncomfortable, then glances at the cowboy in your arms. She scowls and slams the door shut.

You don't try again after that.

x

You're sixteen and your mother tells you it will pay well. You know tutoring will look good on your college applications, but you also know that Sydney Phillips is delusional.

x

She shows up to the library ten minutes late, after you've already started packing up to go, and she's got a bag of cookies in her hand. "You can't eat in here," you tell her, and she says, "That's not stopping me," and she bites into one especially loudly and the smugness in her eyes amuses and frightens you.

x

It's your third session and you're explaining factoring. You fumble with your words, because while factoring makes sense to you, it's seemingly foreign to her, and you become flustered. You see Syd becoming more and more confused as you try to rephrase, and you're so flustered your throat tightens and your eyes water. You have to take a minute to pull yourself together, and she goes, "Of course I get a complete imbecile of a tutor." You have to hide your hurt.

x

You've given her a practice test and you're reading as she works on it. You're entirely focused on The Color Purple for a while, and when you notice she isn't done after half an hour, you look up. She's still on problem one, her fingers digging into her scalp, and she's pressing the tip of her yellow pencil so hard into the paper that you're surprised it hasn't broken yet. "Sydney?" you try, sounding gentle, and she doesn't look up, but you see her cheeks are wet.

x

You're two months in when you notice the scent of beer on her. Her eyes, usually a brilliant green, are glossy and distant, and she keeps blinking at the quadratic. "You're drunk," you say, unamused, and you start packing up. She tries to protest, but her words are slurred. You offer to drive her home, because you're nice and you won't let her get behind the wheel, but she screams no. Your ears burn as you feel the librarian's eyes on you both, and you drag her to your mom's minivan.

You're surprised you get her into her seat, because she's especially stubborn when drunk. You pull out of the parking lot and start to drive in the direction of your old house. Syd starts leaning over but when you make a turn her face collides with your shoulder and she laughs hysterically. You shoot her an irritated look, and she says, "No, hey, I can't go home." You ask why not and try shrugging her off, because wow does she stink. "My dad will kill me if he finds out." You fall silent and, while you hate yourself for it, you turn towards your house.

She spends the night at your place for the first time.

x

It's the night before Halloween, and Syd's finally getting it. You like the way her face lights up when she finishes her practice test and you like it even more when she sees she only missed three. "I'm a fucking genius," she exclaims, and you laugh, because for once she doesn't scare you.

x

On Halloween, her name shows up on caller ID. You're confused but you answer anyway, and she's yelling, "I GOT A B!" It hurts your head but you're proud of her and tell her so.

"Seriously, Andy, thank you," and she sounds sincere. "Listen, there's a little party at Tony's tonight. You should come."

You think you mishear her, because there's no way she would invite you anywhere and there's definitely no way she would invite you to Tony Rydinger's house. But you don't want to pass out candy again and you find yourself saying yes.

The party's not what you'd expected. You show up in a cowgirl hat and you're wearing your cow print vest that you're surprised still fits, only to find that no one else is in costume. There's maybe ten people and they're all scary, and you know maybe two others besides Syd and Tony because you've seen them at school smoking in the girl's bathroom. There's no music or games or anything; everyone's either staring at you or the horror movie on the TV.

You're embarrassed but Syd waves you over and you sit on the ground next to her and her boyfriend. You take off the hat (you keep the vest, though) and try to watch the movie. You've never liked scary movies, they always give you nightmares, but you're polite and you can't leave or ask them to change it.

It's at the end of the first movie that you see that the blanket draped over Syd and her boyfriend is moving. Her emerald eyes are glued to the screen but her teeth are tugging her lip and her boyfriend's got a shit eating grin on his face.

You try not to look, but you're disgusted and there's a gross part of you that likes the flush in Syd's cheeks. You're shocked that they'd do this in a room full of people, but no one seems to care when Syd outright moans. You scoot away from her and try to keep your eyes on the screen, but she makes this sound in the back of her throat and you have to look. She's in complete bliss, this stupid smile on her face and her eyes blinking slowly, and you're envious that you haven't done that.

You know you've been staring too long when she looks over and winks.

x

The first thing she says the next week is, "Great party Friday, right?"

Your face is on fire and you avoid eye contact. "Yeah, I guess," you say absently, and she laughs.

x

You're getting a soda at the gas station with your friend Rachel and you go up to pay. You're shocked that Syd's behind the counter, her thick hair pulled into a ponytail, and you smile awkwardly. "Hey, Andy," she says and Rachel's trying not to laugh. You ignore your friend and nod at Syd. "Hey." You wave a hand stiffly and feel like an idiot.

She rings you up and you pay and it's awkward because Rachel won't stop being an idiot. You exchange goodbyes and you drag Rachel out. "What's the matter with you?" you hiss as you get into the passenger seat of her Civic.

"It's weird seeing freaks like her outside of school."

You don't say much on the ride home.

x

You're helping Syd over the phone because you're at your dad's this weekend, but it's not very successful. You both get side tracked and start talking about the new movie coming out on Thanksgiving.

"We should go," she says.

"We should."

x

You start hanging out with her more and more and you realize she's not that scary. She only smokes around you sometimes, since she knows you hate it, and she likes some of the same music you do. She can play the piano, which blows your mind, and she even learns your favorite song and plays it for you. She thinks Buster's adorable and she apparently turns to mush around him, speaking to him in a different voice and cuddling with him. Her dog, Scud, scares you at first, but you realize he likes having his belly rubbed as much as Buster and you learn to love him. You teach her how to French braid and she teaches you how to pick a lock.

You start to consider her a friend.

x

It's Christmas break and you're at her house. She's got a bottle of root beer for you and beer beer for her and you're curious. "Can I try it?" you ask, pointing to her drink. Syd laughs but offers it to you.

You spit it out and she laughs harder.

x

Second semester, you have the same lunch hour, and you sit together. You learn that she always has extra food in her backpack and you quickly do the same. You two even have a pot luck each Friday, and you wonder why you ever found her strange.

x

It's Valentine's Day and her boyfriend broke up with her awhile ago and you've never had a boyfriend so you spend the evening with her.

You stuff your faces with chocolate and drink her dad's wine and you even give her a card.

She kisses you and you don't hate it.

x

You feel bad that her dad keeps paying you to tutor her now that you're friends. Syd thinks you're dumb, because who cares as long as you're getting paid, but you ask him to stop.

x

It's Sunday and she calls you crying and you change into a black sweater and get to her house as fast as you can. You, Syd, and her little brother Henry have a funeral for Scud, and you all share your favorite memories with him.

You spend the night at her house and cheer her up with kisses.

x

You don't know what you are now, but you kiss sometimes and she's felt you up so you guess you're more than friends.

x

On her birthday, you take her to the park and you lay down inside the castle playground. She's brought a bottle of wine to share and you take lazy sips and stare at the moon. You like the gravelly sound of her voice as she tells you about when her mom died and how she worries about Henry not having friends. You tell her how nervous the future makes you, and how you crave a return to adolescence. You're quiet for a while after that, but you don't feel awkward.

Her hand finds yours and she tells you you're an amazing girlfriend.

x

It's so cliche that you lose your virginity in a car on prom night, but you're in the backseat of the minivan and she insists you keep your dress on as she disappears under it. Her tongue works wonders and you're pretty sure you love her.

x

On the first day of summer, you two go out of town on an impromptu road trip. You end up at an amusement park and you make her go on roller coasters, and you like the way she clutches your arm on the hills. You share a funnel cake and she fucks you in the fun house.

You feel your summer will be amazing now that she's with you.

x

She says your name softly and she can't look at you. You don't know what's wrong, but your chest feels tight and you feel like you're going to die.

"It was an accident, I swear," she begins before telling you about the three times she's hooked up with her ex since you've been together.

The break up sex doesn't make you feel any better.

x

It's the first day of senior year and it hurts to look at her. She's dyed her hair red and she's absolutely stunning and when she walks past you, you can smell the cigarette smoke. You miss her.

x

You're working on a paper at the library when the chair next to you is suddenly occupied. You see that it's her, and she's smiling softly, but your heart hurts and you look away.

"I want us to be okay," she says.

You do too, but you know you can't.


End file.
